Who says no to these NHL trades (involving things that cannot actually be traded)?

In the NHL, you cant trade coaches.

There was a time when you could, and it happened in 1987, when New York Rangers GM Phil Esposito sent a first-round pick to the Quebec Nordiques for head coach Michel Bergeron in a surprise swap .

It was a creative move.

It also didnt work, with Bergeron lasting less than two seasons, and the league quickly moved to make sure it wouldnt be tried again.

These days, coaches are one of many assets a team is not allowed to trade.

Advertisement Or are they? After all, we occasionally see coaching quasi-trades, like when John Tortorella and Alain Vigneault essentially swapped teams after being fired in 2013.

More recently, the Rangers and Penguins didnt actually pull off a Mike Sullivan and David Quinn for Dan Muse trade, but it kind of worked out that way.

Lets use that as inspiration.

Weve got time to kill between Stanley Cup Final games, so I put out a call to readers: Send me your who says no? trade proposals involving things that cannot actually be traded.

And you sure did.

Can we pull off a blockbuster, or will it just be too complicated to make a trade in the cap era NHL? Lets find out.

Note: Submissions have been edited for clarity and style.

What are the Leafs lacking? Heart and grit.

They vowed to change their DNA in the offseason.

They need to disrupt their core even if it means losing some skill and finesse.

So: To Edmonton: Carlton the Bear To Toronto: Hunter the whatever that is Mike H.

As mascots go, Hunter is a lot worse but also more intimidating, which is probably exactly the sort of move the Leafs will be looking to make this summer.

After all, if youre going to acquire a vicious, ugly animal with crazed eyes and no instincts beyond preying on the weak and vulnerable, at least Hunter comes cheaper than Sam Bennett.

But whats in it for the Oilers? Is the upgrade from Hunter to Carlton enough to justify disrupting a winning mix? I wasnt sure, so I reached out to the worlds foremost experts on NHL mascots: Mark Lazerus children .

Heres what his daughter had to say: I think that a Hunter and Carlton trade wouldnt be good because real lynxes live in Alberta.

Also, Carlton doesnt wear pants and Edmonton is really cold, so Carlton would freeze.

In conclusion, Hunter is with his family and Carlton wont freeze his butt off.

Advertisement The no-pants thing is a strong catch.

Sorry, Leafs fans, but the Oilers say no.

To Pittsburgh: The rights to Brass Bonanza To Carolina: Exclusive naming rights to Sebastian Aho Dan H.

I kind of love this one.

Both teams are getting something of value.

We might have a match.

And sure, it looks lopsided at first glance.

Brass Bonanza is a legitimate star in this league.

Its solidly in the GOAT conversation when it comes to novelty goal songs.

But its also the source of controversy among Hurricanes fans, with some embracing it while others see it as nostalgia for a team that they have no personal connection to.

So you could argue that the Hurricanes would benefit from making a clean break from the Whalers stuff, and getting the exclusive naming rights to your biggest star isnt a bad way to do it.

And of course, the Penguins get a fun new goal song that they can play (checks current roster) dozens of times during the season.

I honestly think this one is a win-win.

(In related news, Other Sebastian Aho apparently signed with the Penguins last summer.

Who knew?) The PWHL receives: The Lady Byng, the Mark Messier, the Jennings, the King Clancy, the Clarence S.

Campbell Bowl, the Prince of Wales trophy and a sixth-round pick The NHL receives: The PWHL expansion process and the PWHL Gold Plan Peter B.

Terrible trade.

The PWHL doesnt just say no, it hangs up and immediately blocks the number as spam.

Seriously, what kind of HFBoards madness is this? Its a classic seven nickels for a silver dollar trade proposal.

Youre bundling up all the trophies that nobody wants and trying to get not one but two superstar-level concepts in return.

This kind of lopsided offer would get you kicked out of my fantasy football league, Peter, do better.

St.

Louis receives: the 2012 and 2014 Stanley Cup runs Los Angeles receives: the Greatest Show on Turf success and the 1999 Super Bowl Dylan C.

As if L.A.

would ever care about Rams football.

Advertisement To the Arizona hockey ownership group: Terry Pegula To Buffalo: Alex Meruelo Meruelo is immediately placed on waivers and goes unclaimed.

Todd C.

Yeah, we had a lot of Sabres fans trying to offload Pegula, and lets just say you werent asking for much in return.

Real buy-low opportunity right here.

I cant imagine why .

Still, Arizona says no.

This is a classic salary dump, where a big-money player who hasnt been productive in years gets sent out to pasture.

Given that, having the destination be Arizona is a nice touch.

But while youre taking a bad contract bad in Meruelo, I think Arizonas going to want a few assets in return for taking Pegulas bigger commitment.

To the Rangers: Jim Ramsay To Montreal: Dancin Larry Zach Other fan bases may need an explainer on this one.

Ramsay is the trainer the Rangers fired a few years ago .

He was hired in Montreal, but many Rangers fans still view his exit as a symptom of the dysfunction of the Chris Drury/Jim Dolan era.

So from the New York perspective, you could view this as trying to right a wrong.

But Dancin Larry, the Rangers superfan and scoreboard regular ? Hes fine, I guess, but Im not completely sure hes a fit for Montreal.

Theyre not really a dancing bunch, you know? Maybe if it was Telling a Boring Story About Some Guy From the 1930s Larry wed have a fit, but right now I think Montreal says no, holding out for more.

Maybe toss in a proper hot dog recipe, New York.

(By the way, I cant recommend Dancin Larrys Instagram page highly enough.

Just page after page of photos of him with Rangers fans, and hes doing the exact same face and pose in all of them.

Not a pixel of difference.

Seriously, it might just be a template.

How do you move this guy? Get an NTC in that next extension, Larry, this can be a cruel business.) To Dallas: Hosting the Minnesota state high school tournament through 2030 To Minnesota: The Stars/North Stars name, mascots, colors, jerseys Anonymous Ill admit, I was surprised how many of you want to trade the old North Stars branding back to Minnesota.

Apart from trades involving palm trees going to Buffalo or lower tax rates for California and New York, the North Stars stuff was the most common concept by far.

Does this deal work? It might.

At least Dallas is getting something of value, which it could use to continue to build its fan base.

I think the price is just too steep, given itd be losing its name and branding.

Dallas says no, but I could see a counteroffer involving just the classic North Stars stuff heading to Minnesota instead.

Then again, what if there were a way for Dallas to acquire new branding? Well, about that ...

Vancouver needs new ownership and its always better if its someone local.

If only there was a Vancouverite who randomly owned another team in the league ...

and if that team happened to have bad uniforms, that would be great, since the Canucks have three completely different logo/uniform/color schemes in their arsenal and cant seem to decide which one to run with.

To Vancouver: Owner Tom Gaglardi, who has always wanted to own the Canucks anyway To Dallas: The orange, red and black Flying Skate uniform/color scheme, and an agreement to pay all costs associated with rebranding Dallas to something more appropriate, like Outlaws.

Phil G.

Hmm ...

I mean, part of the art of pulling off a truly great trade is finding an asset thats underappreciated, maybe because its stuck down the depth chart.

As Phil points out, the Canucks have one of the greatest uniform designs of all time just sitting around.

The Flying Skate should be Vancouvers primary uniform it never should have lost the job in the first place but for whatever reason, its not.

OK, so lets send it somewhere that will give it the chance to be the superstar it should be.

The logic is solid.

Advertisement That said, youre not getting Gaglardi for a uniform.

The owner may be the most important position on a modern NHL team, and Gaglardi would be a massive upgrade for the Canucks franchise.

Dallas says no.

But its amicable.

Its not closing the door if the Canucks wanted to circle on something down the road.

In the meantime, one more for the Canucks ...

To Vancouver: The Leafs 1950-51 Stanley Cup win To Toronto: The Canucks 2011 Stanley Cup Final appearance The Canucks get a Stanley Cup, but one so long ago theyll still be mocked by opposing fans.

But one is better than zero.

Did they exist in 1951? Lets not worry about the details.

The Leafs get yet another devastating loss to the Bruins in the playoffs, but at least this time in a Stanley Cup Final and all the good memories that go with that sort of run.

A team that locals mostly like and have fond memories of, legends in the market.

(Do not ask what other markets think.) All it costs is a Cup so long ago most fans dont remember it.

Note: Canucks retain the riot, due to a NMC.

Greg P.

On the surface, this one makes a lot of sense.

The Canucks are getting the better asset a Cup win is obviously better than a near-miss but the recency bias plays a factor.

And the Leafs are dealing from a position of strength, with the old Cup wins that nobody really remembers cupboard pretty much overflowing.

That said, Greg mentions the potential problem.

While Vancouver fans hate how 2011 ended, its still a pretty beloved version of the team.

If you trade the whole run, that means you lose the Game 7 OT win over the Blackhawks, the Kevin Bieksa bank shot and other fun memories.

Do you give all of that up just so you can ditch the Sabres at the zero Cups in franchise history table? You have to give up something to get something, but thats pretty steep.

My gut is that Vancouver says no, partly because it just doesnt want to let Leafs fans be happy.

But Id like to hear from Canucks fans in the comments to confirm.

And since were trying to end some Leaf droughts ...

To Montreal: The 1967 Stanley Cup championship To Toronto: The 1993 Stanley Cup championship The 1967 Cup would give Montreal the last Original Six win and a second run of five straight Cups within a decade.

And having won in 1986 would mean their current drought wouldnt be appreciably longer.

The 93 Cup reduces Torontos drought dramatically, and gives them the honor of being the last Canadian team to win a Cup.

Plus, we could stop talking about Kerry Fraser forever.

Sean B.

Who says no? Every other fan base.

They lose out on making fun of the Leafs record Cup drought, the Habs get even more ammo for their history-firehose, and the last Canadian Cup win somehow becomes even more of a thing because Toronto wont shut up about it.

The only gain for the other fan bases would be Leafs fans giving the Fraser stuff a rest after 33 years, and lets be honest, we wouldnt honor that part of the deal.

Advertisement So yeah, everyone else hates this deal ...

which means there may be something here for the two teams involved.

As beloved as that rag-tag band of old-timers from the 1967 team has become, I think this is a pretty easy yes for the Leafs.

Its a little dicier for Montreal, although I think Sean B.

is making a decent case.

Ultimately, while its close, I think Montreal probably says no.

Somebody break the bad news to Marty McSorley.

Want to send in your trade proposal for a future version of this column? Email this address .

(Top photo of Hunter the Lynx: Steph Chambers / Getty Images).

This article has been shared from the original article on theathleticuk, here is the link to the original article.