Ad Disclosure The Phillies lost to the Mets on Sunday.
They dropped two of three in the series.
In their last ten games, theyre 5-5.
And if youre wondering why the Phillies are slumping, look no further than Gabriel Rincones Jr.s bald unpreparedness as he tracks a fly ball without his sunglasses on, then has to scramble to get them on in time: This is exactly the problem with this Phillies team.
Theyre not focused.
Theyre distracted.
They take their foot off the gas.
They look directly at the sun by accident.
This clubhouse is just too casual.
Guys forget theyre trying to win games.
Theyre falling asleep.
Theyre probably paid too much, is the problem.
Theyre busy thinking about investments.
Cars.
Necklaces.
Locket.
They dont remember to not look right at the sun.
Theyre not prepared at all.
Next they wont have cleats on.
Or hats.
Or sunscreen.
Theyre going to be out there barefoot and sunburned, looking directly at the sun, unable to see the ball, losing game after game.
Just wait until the postseason.
Its going to be another disaster.
When does it end? Where does the buck stop? Don Mattingly.
Lets start there.
Its his job to get his guys ready to play.
They should be practicing during the season.
I dont get why they dont practice anymore during the season.
If Don instituted some structure then maybe his players wouldnt look directly at the sun.
Instead Don just sits there wiping his mouth with his hands.
Wake up.
Then theres Dave Dombrowski.
Dumbrowski.
Where are the veterans on this team? He didnt get enough veterans on this roster.
Young kids like Rincones need to learn from veterans, guys to show them the ropes, remind them that it hurts to look right at the sun, to lead by example by wearing sunglasses on their eyes instead of on their hats.
Instead Dumbrowski just sits there wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Hes clueless.
Then theres Bryce Harper.
Hes the supposed team leader.
The $300 Million Man.
And for what? Hes more interested in making cleats that look like trains.
Hes more interested in combing his hair.
Hes always brushing his teeth in interesting ways online.
Hes not locked in.
Hes Hollywood.
He doesnt get Philly.
Hes just not a winner.
And this Rincones thing is a prime example.
Bryce should be rallying his guys in the locker room.
Its not always about leading by example, being quiet, all that.
Sometimes you need an asshole on the team, someone wholl get in your face and say, You need to have sunglasses on your eyes if youre going to look at or near the sun.
Otherwise it hurts and you cant see.
Dont forget.
But Bryce hasnt said jack.
Hes too busy combing his hair.
Chase Utley wore sunglasses.
Rincones should have been wearing his sunglasses all day.
But he wasnt.
He was unprepared.
Hes out there wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
And that is why this team will never win the World Series.
Ill hang up and let you react.
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Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia.
Hes written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan OBriens Team Coco.
His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V.
Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications.
Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that dont exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up...) email: [email protected].