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Steve Brand<\/p>\n
El Cajon<\/p>\n
When your sister-in-law, who was also your best friend, died by suicide, you are of course completely devastated, crushed, lost, hurt, lonely, and even angry.<\/p>\n
Emma Cashman, a senior at Steel Canyon High School, needed someone who truly understood the pain that comes with such a devastating loss.<\/p>\n
Steel Canyon women’s soccer coach Charlie Cleves knew exactly what Cashman was feeling. His best friend died in his arms 14 years ago.<\/p>\n
Aside from tragedy, Cashman and Cleves had a common bond: football.<\/p>\n
Cleaves has been a coach at Steel Canyon since 1998. Cashman has been playing sports since he was four years old, about 13 years ago.<\/p>\n
14 years ago, Cleves’ U.S. Marshals Agency partner and best friend, Cleves, called him to hurry up and he was feeling down.<\/p>\n
“It wasn’t the first time he talked about hurting himself, but I didn’t always tell him that,” Cleves said. Don’t do that.<\/p>\n
“He died in my arms. I screamed at him, ‘Why are you doing this?’<\/p>\n
“Memories never fade.”<\/p>\n
Dealing with suicide is a learning process, and Cleaves has gone through everything Cashman has gone through and will go through. Cashman was able to speak to Cleaves. And while it caused so much pain, I realized that this time I could do something positive.<\/p>\n
One of the things he knew and was able to tell was how helpful it was to be on the soccer field, even for two hours a day.<\/p>\n
I was on the field a little over two years ago when I found out that my sister-in-law took her own life.<\/p>\n
\u201cI live a very independent life, and when I stand on the field, I feel like a child. I can do it.<\/p>\n
“Practice is definitely more therapeutic. When you’re playing the game, the adrenaline is pumping, the crowd is cheering. The game is more peaceful.<\/p>\n
“Actually, you can joke. It’s more relaxed. One helps me more than the other.”<\/p>\n
Cashman said they do everything together except play football and are more like sisters-in-law than biological sisters.<\/p>\n
“We slept in the same room, went to class together, were always together. We seemed attached,” Cashman said. “I was one of the few people she spoke to[about her suicide]and she tried many times.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was during the height of COVID when she lost her life. Everything had to be done on Zoom.\u201d<\/p>\n
To make matters worse, Cashman had little time to react.<\/p>\n
“The rumor spread quickly and the next day someone accidentally released the information,” Cashman said. “It definitely affected my initial reaction. It affected me because I went into survival mode and had no option to go to school.<\/p>\n
“I took a few days away from school and football.<\/p>\n
\u201cI played for the Surf[soccer club]and the first day I came back I was unfocused and definitely lost. What happened was always in the back of my mind. was born, giving me a reason to continue.\u201d<\/p>\n
When Cashman spoke with Cleaves, she discovered he was someone to talk to.<\/p>\n
“I didn’t know he went through something like that,” she said. “Coach Charlie was always a loving and caring coach. It’s not normal to lose someone like that, and he was always there for me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was like a father figure and someone who went through a similar experience.<\/p>\n
When asked, Cleaves was able to give advice and guidance and was able to provide a distraction to ease her mind.<\/p>\n
“He knew how important football was to me,” Cashman said. \u201cSome days there was no dramatic turnaround. .<\/p>\n
“I don’t have an answer because I’m still in pain, but I’m there for someone. I could be the shoulder to lean on.”<\/p>\n
Cashman recently returned to the Cougars team from club football and is looking forward to this season.<\/p>\n
“I try my best to stay focused as much as possible,” she said. “Before every match, I pray to God. My sister-in-law really wants me to succeed, and now I think about it every match.<\/p>\n
“Life is so meaningful.”<\/p>\n
Brand is a freelance writer.<\/p>\n
If you or someone you know has suicidal thoughts, please call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988. See SpeakingOfSuicide.com\/resources.<\/p>\n
For a list of additional resources.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n