Farewell Soccer Struggle as a student athlete

You may have seen us on campus. Big hoodie. He might have been wearing a jacket or styling a Nike backpack. For many of us, the Gosman Athletic Center has become another home. This is where I experienced my highs and lows. Yes, I’m talking about Brandeis.

This article is not an attempt to inspire some form of “school spirit”. I’m not that naive. I also admit that the Judge mascot can be a bit offensive.

Those eyes…that gavel…that’s serious nightmare fuel.

No, this article addresses the mental health of student-athletes across the Brandeis community. This is for those who may have suffered in silence and to let them know they are not alone.

Brandeis is a Division III university and does not compete or practice at the same level as higher divisions. But that doesn’t mean our commitment to the sport is inferior. Most of us have been playing sports all our lives. It was a part of us, taught us invaluable lessons, and gave us lifelong friendships. I know it has become an identity for myself and many others. Please forgive me as I intend to promote the

Brandeis is part of the College Athletic Association. For those who don’t know what it is, he’s one of the most competitive Division III leagues in the country. League teams include the University of Chicago, University of Rochester, Emory University, Washington University, New York University, Case He Western University, and Carnegie Mellon University. Out of all these colleges, there were 62 national competitions. Since 2011, Brandeis has had 67 All-Americans in all sports. Simply put, these schools have a lot of great athletes, and many of them are here at Brandeis.

Alright, the Brandeis hype is over. Now let’s discuss all the pros and cons that come with this commitment. Start with the good points. Through his four years of athletics here (not really counting the interruptions due to the pandemic), I have had some of the best experiences of my life. I spent his two preseasons in Vermont, basically going to his camp the summer before school started. Together with my best friend, I beat a nationally ranked team. I have traveled to different states, stayed in hotels and eaten mostly Italian food. I have shared great experiences with people who have completely different backgrounds than mine. I have grown as a player and as a person. I’m not going to trade these memories for the world.

But it wasn’t always an easy and fun ride. As any athlete knows, incredible victories are accompanied by crushing defeats. There were days when I blamed myself for a loss or poor team performance. There were times when I couldn’t separate myself as a person from myself as a player. Some days I had to do my schoolwork, but I couldn’t do it. I would even sit in class and think about a moment in the game, but before I knew it the class was over. I spend hours thinking about moments that have already passed.

My competitiveness got me here, both figuratively and literally. I literally got to do college track and field. I tried to do the best I could and wanted to succeed at any cost. But it got me here: I’m caught in a fleeting thought and can’t move on. I recognize that.

Over the course of my career, I have been fortunate to have some wonderful people in my corner. There are people who will help you. I am forever grateful for this, but there are a few caveats too. If so, you could probably pay off your student loans. I know they’re just trying to help, but the advice is pretty obvious. I love to “forget the game” or “move on”, but that’s easier said than done. I was annoyed with them when they tried to help, so I buried my feelings.

Last year I was the captain of the team. Ever since I came to campus and played for the team, I wanted to be captain. Both of my brothers were team captains in college and were role models for me. I felt immeasurably proud of myself when I was nominated. You are expected to be consistent, stable, and a pillar your team can rely on. Where does the summit point when you are at the summit? I reburied these feelings. It was easier to help others than it was to help myself.

As captain, I have tried to lead the team with love and compassion. Not very macho or tough, but people recognize that someone is real. I wanted my teammates to know that they were always there for me when they needed me, regardless of the circumstances. I tell my teammates that I value the person more than the player. But I was living the exact opposite of what I was saying. Separating the player from the person felt impossible to me.

Now, as I finish my athletic career, I want to pass on some wisdom to those who may be experiencing similar struggles. But please accept it. Understand that it happened, but that’s not who you are. Second, remember the people in your corner. They don’t always offer helpful advice, but they’re there for you and most of the time willing to listen. If you feel the need to talk to someone else, try to find that person as well. Sports psychologists, Brandeis resources, anyone. And finally, take a step back from time to time. Look how far you’ve come That little one will be very proud of you, so play for the little one who started.